Once we become mums, we like connecting with other women who have similar experiences to us and understand the struggles and joys of motherhood. Common experiences help us bond and build relationships with each other, but we are also very different. We have different personalities, and our circumstances are also different, so it’s no surprise that we are unique and handle motherhood and parenting differently.
I read different categorizations regarding mother types, and many kinds of mothers exist.
Have you ever thought about which type you are?
First, I would start with the first three years of children…
The first three years of life
I come from Hungary, and I got my teaching degrees there. During my university studies, I learned a lot of psychology and pedagogy besides my major subjects. My love for psychology has stayed with me since then too. According to most Hungarian psychologists, it is best for a child if their mother can stay home with them in the first three years. In these years, the best option for a child is if they can grow and develop in the family atmosphere.
Hungarian mothers often feel guilty if they put their children into a nursery and might feel they didn’t do everything for their children. Conversely, in the UK, attitudes towards sending children into the nursery are different because mothers can get 1-year maternity leave, but nine months is only paid leave, while in Hungary, maternity leave can be three years. So, mothers in the UK don’t have a soul burden that they would be bad mums if they send their children to nurseries.
However, the most critical aspect of this question is the financial circumstances. Many mothers must return to work because they can’t get by from one salary.
In Germany, it is widespread that fathers also stay at home with their children for a long time. For example, mothers start in the first 2-3 months, and then fathers continue. Thus, fathers have got an opportunity to look into child-rearing. From this, we might think how magnificent this is because they share parenting, but a study reveals that in countries with shared parental leave, parents are less likely to have a second child. Fathers can experience how much work looking after a child is, and they don’t want another one.
As I mentioned above, I have read different categorizations, but I would like to focus on mothers’ attitudes to the mothership and their own life and carrier.
3 TYPES OF MOTHERS:
1. STAY-AT-HOME MUMS:
Stay-at-home mums put everything into their children. They sacrifice their whole life, their carrier, and themselves for their children. Their only purpose is to bring up a child who is happy and successful in her life. To get this, they can sacrifice everything. They often choose home-schooling for their children.
2. LIFESTYLE MUMS:
Lifestyle mums want to enjoy their life as a mother and as a person as well. They had an appropriate life before their children and would like a decent life with them too. They can enjoy their solitude, spending time on their work or with their friends without their children, but they can enjoy being on their family programs and playing with them. Their main purpose is to live a happy life with their children together. They often put everything into their child’s early years, and then they want to enjoy the results of this later to be able to deal with their work and life too.
3. SIDE BUSINESS MUMS:
They want to live the same lifestyle they lived before their children but now besides their children. Of course, they also love their children and do their best to help them be happy and successful, but they want to sustain the old life they lived earlier. They don’t want to lose anything.
What type of mother do I think of myself?
I think I belong to the second category, lifestyle mum. I believe in putting everything into the first years of our children. I think these first years are the most important. I believe in those experts who say that the first three years of life are a remarkable and vital part of child development. Children become from almost entirely dependent newborns to independent, communicating individuals who can speak, dance and sing. I would have always liked my child to be able to tell me what happens to her when I am not with her.
The early years are critical, and what happens to our children during them can affect them for the rest of their lives. In these years, the most important thing is to develop emotional stability to best support learning later. What I put in these first years will pay back later.
I’m willing to put everything into the first three years, but I would like to enjoy the advantages of this family life. It could sound selfish, but I think it is essential that the whole family is happy, including my husband, my daughter, and me.
You should choose…
It would be great if every woman could choose what type of mother she wants to be. However, many women don’t have the opportunity to choose consciously, and they drift to the direction they see in their environment and don’t feel well in that situation. In Hungary, many mothers don’t dare to choose the second or third types, while here in the UK, if you decide to be a stay-at-home mother, you are looked at strangely.
None of the types is better than the other one…
I wouldn’t like to hurt or judge anybody. I think all three types have got their advantages and disadvantages. But if we can determine which type we would like to be, it is easier to make decisions in different situations. We can decide whether our children go to nurseries, what school they go to, or what type of job we can take besides our children.
The child’s personality also matters…
I often hear when a mother says it is much better for her child if she goes to nursery because they can develop better there. She goes to work and earns money for the nursery because she can see how much her child has developed at the end of the day. She thinks that this is more than her child would be with her.
My Mira likes other children’s company but still needs me more. We go to toddler classes and playgrounds where she is happy when she sees other children, but she still plays alone next to them and asks for my help.
What type of mother do you think you are? Has this changed during that time?