Once we become a mum, we like connecting with other women who have similar experiences to us and understand the struggles and joys of motherhood. Common experiences help us bond and build relationships with each other, but we are also very different. We have got different personalities and our circumstances are also different, so it’s no surprise that we are unique, and we handle motherhood and parenting a bit differently too.
I read different categorizations regarding mother types and there are so many types of mothers.
Have you ever thought about which type are you?
First, I would start with the first three years of children…
The first three years of life
I come from Hungary, and I got my teacher degrees there. During my university studies, I learned a lot of psychology and pedagogy besides my major subjects. My love for psychology has stayed with me since then too. According to most Hungarian psychologists, it is best for a child if their mother can stay home with them in the first 3 years. In these years the best option for a child is if they can grow and develop in the family atmosphere.
Hungarian mothers often feel guilty if they put their children into a nursery and they might feel they didn’t do everything for their children. Conversely, here in the UK attitude towards sending the children into nursery is different because mothers can get 1-year maternity leave but 9 months is only paid leave, while in Hungary maternity leave can be 3 years. So, mothers in the UK don’t have a soul burden that they would be bad mums if they send their children into nurseries.
However, the most important aspect of this question is the financial circumstances. Many mothers need to go back to work because they can’t get by from one salary.
In Germany, it is very frequent that fathers also stay at home with their children for a long time. For example, mothers start in the first 2-3 months and then fathers continue. Thus, fathers have got an opportunity to look into child-rearing. From this, we might think how magnificent this is because they absolutely share parenting, but a study reveals that in those countries where there is shared parental leave, parents less probably have a second child. Fathers can experience how much work looking after a child is and they don’t want another one.
As I mentioned above I have read different types of categorizations but I would like to focus on mothers’ attitude to the mothership and to their own life and carrier.
3 TYPES OF MOTHERS:
1. STAY AT HOME MUMS:
Stay at home mums put everything into their children. They sacrifice their whole life, their carrier, and themselves for their children. Their only purpose is to bring up a child who is happy and successful in her life. To get this, they can sacrifice everything. They often choose home-schooling for their children.
2. LIFESTYLE MUMS:
Lifestyle mums want to enjoy their life as a mother and as a person as well. They had an appropriate life before their children, and they would like to have a decent life with their children too. They can enjoy their solitude, spending their time on their work or with their friends without their children but they can enjoy being on their family programs, playing with their children too. Their main purpose is to live a happy life with their children together. They often put everything into the early years of their child and then they want to enjoy the results of this later to be able to deal with their own work and life too.
3. SIDE BUSINESS MUMS:
They want to live the same lifestyle that they lived before their children but now besides their children. Of course, they also love their children and do their best to help them be happy and successful, but they want to sustain the old life that they lived earlier. They don’t want to lose anything.
What type of mother do I think of myself?
I think I belong to the second category, lifestyle mum. I believe in putting everything into the first years of our children. I think these first years are the most important. I believe in those experts who say that the first three years of life are a remarkable and vital part of child development. Children become from almost completely dependent newborns to independent, communicating individuals who can speak, dance and sing. I would have always liked my child to be able to tell me what happens to her when I am not with her.
The early years are important and what happens to our children during them can affect them for the rest of their lives. I think in these years the most important thing is to develop the emotional stability to best support learning later. I believe in what I put in these first years will pay back later.
I’m willing to put everything into the first three years but I would like to enjoy the advantages of this family life. It could sound selfish a little bit, but I think it is important that the whole family is happy including my husband, my daughter, and me too.
You should choose…
It would be great if every woman can choose what type of mother she wants to be. However, many women don’t have the opportunity to choose consciously, and they drift to the direction that they see in their environment, and they don’t feel well in that situation. In Hungary, a lot of mothers don’t dare to choose the second or third types while here in the UK if you choose to be a stay-at-home mother then you are looked at strangely.
None of the types is better than the other one…
I wouldn’t like to hurt or judge anybody. I think all the three types have got their advantages and disadvantages. But if we can determine which type we would like to be then it is easier to make our own decisions in different situations. We can decide whether our children go to nurseries or not, what school they go to or what type of job we can take besides our children.
The child’s personality also matters…
I often hear when a mother says it is much better for her child if she goes to nursery because she or he can develop better there. She rather goes to work and earn the money for the nursery because she can see how much her child has developed at the end of the day. She thinks that this is more than her child would be with her.
My Mira likes other children’s company, but she still needs me more. We go to toddler classes and playgrounds where she is happy when sees other children, but she still plays alone next to them and asks for my help.
What type of mother do you think you are? Has this changed during the time?