Be an authentic, conscious mum

Parenting

Being a Good Mom for Me

I feel very lucky because I have found an excellent online mothers’ group where we can communicate with our fellow mothers without any judgements and criticism. This group is organized and led by a coach who specialized in supporting mums and mum-to-be-s. We are members of a Facebook group where we can post in any mothership-, self-awareness related topics we are interested in, and our coach also posts some topics related to mothership. Furthermore, we can meet once a week in a zoom meeting where we work on a topic on each occasion.

Last time our topic was femininity introduced by this question. “What is a good enough woman like for you?” We needed to collect some main characteristics about “a good enough woman”. Since all of us were mothers, it was interesting to hear that how mothership had transformed our imagination about femininity. Actually, we came up with the traits of “a good enough mother”. This inspired me to write this post today and share the characteristics of a good mom I think the most essential ones are.

1. Patient

Patience is one of the most important things mothers must learn. New-borns cry, don’t sleep during the nights and toddlers get into everything and make a mess of our whole home. But patience is an inevitable quality to develop when raising our children. Kids also must learn patience, but it could be difficult for them when parents fight to model it.

Even on the most difficult days when we couldn’t sleep through the night and our toddler is fussy, staying patient as a mom is very important because we need to model a “good behaviour” and respond to their needs.

Stairs

2. Taking better care of themselves

If a mother would like to take care of her children, she must take care of herself too. A mom is unable to love others especially her kids when she feels stressed, exhausted, and unloved. So, it is very important for a mother to take time for herself too. She must do whatever she thinks will make her feel better and refreshed and can keep being a good mom. For me doing exercises a few times a week is very important. Without it I wouldn’t be able to sleep at all. So, I try to take time on doing it, because after that I feel not only is my body that is refreshed but my mood is much better, and I feel less stressed.

3. Respectful

A respectful mother treats her child/children respectfully. It is essential to accept and respect our children as being a unique person not as an extension of us. Our child is an independent person with her own tastes, likes and dislikes, wants and needs. We might have some disagreements with her in the life, but we need to treat her respectfully.

4. Empathetic

An empathetic mother can understand and share what their children must be feeling. She tries to find out why her child behaved the way she did and responds to her with empathy instead of disciplining her. If you treat your child with empathy, you don’t want to win the battle, you know you are on the same journey.

A mother holding her baby in her hands and hugging her

5. Strong

Motherhood exercises mothers’ patience all the time. She needs to reassure her child when she has fears and anxieties, to be the one constant that provides a place where she can go for comfort in this chaotic, perplexing world.

6. Loving

Love of your mother should be something every child rely on. Children don’t need a ton of toys, but a mother’s unconditional love is crucial for them. We need to love them through all their emotions, when they are happy, sad, angry, or silly. They need to feel like they can be themselves and we accept them for who they are. The more they feel our affection, the less they will misbehave. When we the least feel like loving our kids, they need us the most. Loving our children unconditionally is not enough, they also need to know and feel that.

7. Being a good role model

A mother is the first person her child ever knows, so she is the first role model she has ever known. Children learn not only from what has been told them, but they copy and learn everything what their parents do as they are growing up. If you want to teach them to say “please” and “thank you” or tidy up after themselves, then you need to do these things too. We should show them how they should behave as being the role model for them. We can’t expect them to do those things that we aren’t willing to do.

8. Authoritative

A good mom shows authority and set boundaries and rules too. Children need to know what they can and can’t do. They need boundaries to explore within safe limits. We need to be consistent with these boundaries too. We also need to balance between our love and support and consistency and expectations.

A child looking up

All in all, I think we might not always do this mom thing right, but if we aim at being empathetic, loving, respectful, among others we’re doing better than we might have thought. I think we live in a time when, thanks to social media and news, motherhood is present everywhere. We can hear different opinions on everything from everybody.

Every mom has wondered whether she is a good mother. But like our coach emphasizes all the time, if you’re here, you are thinking of this means you’re already on the right path.

Being on right path starts with paying attention – listen and discover your child, get to know her and her needs. Let her make mistakes, find her sense of self, experience the consequences of her choices.

We need to use our mistakes we’ve made as a mother to improve ourselves. We have struggles and challenges, but we always have to see how far we’ve come.

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