Women are always in competition with each other. They always must do something, and the continuation of this “always doing something” is the mom competition. I have never met a competition as ferocious as motherhood. Of course, the media and our society also suggest we should do everything perfectly. You are a good mother if you do several things, and you can demonstrate these.
But since I became a mother myself, I have experienced that fellow mothers can be very toxic and frustrate each other. If I hear, “My little one sleeps through the night” or “My little one plays board games at nine months,” I will run out of the world.
Children develop at their own pace
Children develop in their own time and style. Every baby is different from the moment they are conceived. We should trust in human development. Human bodies must unfold at their own pace. Of course, if you experience something strange in their development, you need to turn to an expert.
We also went to a physiotherapist with our baby when we noticed she could not turn her head to the left. But I do not worry that my little one sometimes wants to drink water from her Tommy Tippee baby bottle sitting on my lap at the age of 22 months. She can drink from her essential free-flow first cup too, but sometimes she needs my physical closeness, which is entirely acceptable and understandable for me.
Find your authentic voice as a mother
There isn’t a unique correct way to parent. Motherhood isn’t easy, there are so many choices, and none of us know what we are doing. Let us parent according to our true authentic selves. It shouldn’t be about how we were parented or following the latest parenting trend. It should be about our intuition about our children and what they need.
For me being a good mother is an invisible thing. It isn’t spectacular; I spend time with my little girl in real intimacy. We mirror each other in an emphatic and affectionate atmosphere and develop together. I don’t post photos on Facebook daily; I don’t do a big thing about it. I believe parenting is a relationship in which children can teach their parents too.
When motherhood becomes a competition, everyone loses
Mum competition can cause mental health problems for mothers. The pressure to be perfect could be a massive stress in a mother’s life. If a mother thinks other mothers do things in a better way than she does, she wants to show she does well too. She doesn’t want to admit that she is struggling and suffers in silence.
Children lose in this competition too. When a mother is very competitive, she often wants to prove she is better than other mothers. She uses her children for this. This affects the children’s self-esteem very negatively. I often heard from my mother, “what will people think about me in the village?”
Mum competition is not the fellow mother’s fault
I wouldn’t say that it is my fellow mothers’ fault. We need to parent in a culture where there are many requirements. It is impossible to do everything right. Naturally, mothers start to compete with each other. It would help if you were courageous to show your vulnerability.
What one mother does isn’t about you or me
When we see what other mothers do, we shouldn’t turn it into an attack on our performance. When a mother shares something on Facebook, she doesn’t necessarily want to show that she is a good or better mother than others. It is the easiest way to let her relatives and friends know how the children are doing.
A woman who prepares a sugar-free pancake for her children and puts some pictures of it on social media sites doesn’t want to show you she is better at feeding her children than you. Maybe there are diabetic people in her family, and she wants to provide for her children to avoid sugar. Don’t feel you are a terrible mother if you give cookies to your children. Move on.
Mums should support each other
Instead of competing, mothers should support each other. The first step toward this should be honesty and admitting we all are struggling and vulnerable. We all get stuck in our mother’s life when we need others’ help and support. I am sure numerous women are feeling the same.
If you could, join a mothers’ support group where mothers are supportive, and you can talk about your problems or your success hastily. Everybody needs a non-judgmental environment where she doesn’t get unsolicited advice. Everybody is looking for some regular validation. Mothers should build up each other and nurture each other.
Do What You Feel Is Best For Your Children and You
I genuinely believe in peaceful parenting, which aims for the needs of both the parent and the child. Parenting should be about loving unconditionally and creating a great life with your child. We should seek a new way through bravery, introspection, and self-awareness. We should look for the answers and solutions primarily internally, not externally. We should have the answers we are searching for.